It's been two weeks since I finally decided to let him go and still hurts whenever I think of him. I know deep down I still love him but I also accepted the fact that there would never be him and me ever again. Not today, not tomorrow, nor in this lifetime.
I had a heart wrenching two weeks. He was sorry that he can never give me back the love I have for him. That he wish he can just learn how to love me the way that I have. Who am I to blame him? His heart wasn?t there to begin with.
I just wish I had total control of my emotions. That I was able to read all the signs pointing to one thing--he's not in love with me and all I have to do is accept the fact that he would never be mine. No, not ever.
But I just have to learn it the hard way. I have to get hurt so bad that my heart was torn into million pieces and I myself don?t even know where to start picking up my badly beaten heart.
Waking up in the morning and realizing that a part of me was missing just add insult to injury, but I know I have to move on and face the music alone. Life is too short to waste on the love that wasn't there. The hard part is, not knowing where to start. I feel like I'm walking on a very dark room, making my way through the darkness I?m in, looking for an escape.
Yet no matter how much I try, I can't seem to shake this feeling I still have for him. He left a very big part of himself that I can't seem to let go of. He will always be in my heart and I know that I?ll always love him even if he didn?t return that love to me. It pains me still, but loving him taught me how to love someone unconditionally.
I hope he'll find the happiness that he deserves, even if it's not with me. Knowing that he's happy makes me happy. Sometimes you just have to let go of that someone no matter how much you love them.