Not Enough Time

Have you ever felt like the world is revolving without you?

It alarms me how the earth could consume me up whole and nobody would even notice. Everyone seems to have to be somewhere, to meet someone, to do something, and they all pass by me with their little goodbye waves and farewells as they trek off to the next agenda on their checklist.

And I sit there, always on time, wondering if this is what it will be like for the rest of my life. I'm sitting here with my stories, and the rest of the world going on without me.

I took a bus-ride-to-nowhere once and it got me thinking too much about how there are too many places to go to and too many things to see in just a span of a token. And I speculate how I've managed to spend the past years of my life, (which should be equivalent to thousands of bus trips) and not really seen too much or been anywhere else but here. I�m riding along aimlessly, thinking I could see the world in one bus ride, and the rest of the world off to some important destination without me.

I miss the good old days when most of my concerns had nothing to do with my uneventful existence. I was happy enough with school, playground hour, and coming home to see my favorite cartoon afterwards. School bus rides home didn't seem too long, Just as long as I had the window seat and the trees buzz by too fast for me to count. Back then, life wasn't about counting how many birthdays I've had and how much I've accomplished in between. Funny, how I looked forward to them so much when I was still young and four feet tall, as opposed to how I oh-so-not-think them now that I'm few feet taller and years older.

It just scares me, I guess, to think that life's passing by all too quickly and I haven't made a difference yet, like changed the world or lives or something. Or that time is running out on me and I'd have to make a move if I intend to be someone important by the time I hit my 50's. But I'm not shifting an inch. Not yet, at least.

Time can only take so much. Maybe they are right. Maybe I think too much about all this. I've got a lifetime ahead of me, and here I am wasting away precious time and brain cells (they don't regenerate, mind you) with this non-sense. Because surely, time will tell me when it's time to make my notch in the world. And by then, I better be ready.

Maybe, next year.

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Joko Jun features Filipinos from around the world... musicians, writers, photographers, and other creative people.