I always think the reason is me – I doubted myself, in a way. I thought that she looked down on me, or that she doesn’t like me at all. But logically thinking, no one in the right mind can dislike someone she has not met before. No one can judge someone she has never even seen personally. And this thought led me to a realization that perhaps...
It is not really me, but the thought that in the long run, I might not like her, her home and her son the way I should. I was raised in a different environment and these things that I cannot accept might prompt me to leave her son. Perhaps, her inhibitions and reluctance stemmed from it. She is now treading in a new path, a strange direction which, at her age, is unusual. "I am too old for all these newness," she might be unconsciously thinking. Her refusal is rooted from her inability to cope with: change, a stranger and a new chapter of life that no one has ever told her how it will be. It is not me, but her adamant stance towards embracing a whole new life in which a stranger has to be allowed to enter the sacred circle that she called family.
She never had an experience of how love can enable anyone to endure and accept the adversities in life, made her doubt my love for her son. This strange version of love – the kind which she has never felt before, is something which she cannot understand and might not understand. This strangeness will always fuel her doubts and hesitations.
Perhaps only time can tell when she will open her heart and mind but I always believe in the passage written a long time ago:
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer;
no disease that enough love will not heal;
no door that enough love will not open;
no gulf that enough love will not bridge;
no wall that enough love will not throw down;
no sin that enough love will not redeem...
It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble;
how hopeless the outlook;
how muddled the tangle; how great the mistake.
A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all.
If only you could love enough you would be
the happiest and most powerful being in the world...
-- Emmet Fox
After all, LOVE is the ONLY lesson that every creature should learn in life. Love is the ONLY reason we are here on earth. Thus, if we do not know what it means, we will be going in circles again and again until we realize the true meaning of love.